This is a post I'm willing to share from that blog/really a journal.
Happy Healthy {Half of a} Haley Update
So I started work June 13th. I underestimated substantially how taxing an internship + working out + having a new puppy + having a life would be. I dropped off on running so much, partly because I was EXHAUSTED when I got home, but mostly because it has been in the 110-115 degree range in the DFW area for the past few weeks. It has been dangerously hot. No excuses.....I just dropped off the workout scene and focused on Happy Haley instead of the Healthy {Half of a} part. Well, that all changed July 31st.
I stopped drinking soda on July 31, 2011. I finished my internship out that week with three full days of learning M-W and night shifts Thursday and Friday. I cannot begin to describe the kill me now/am I having a stroke/dear God please make this end feelings I was having. I drank a TON of water to help, but it SUCKED. The beautiful thing is that by Saturday I wasn't really craving soda, specifically coke, every second of the day. I haven't entirely cut caffeine, but I only have it in coffee form once or twice a week. I was still drinking calories (Hi-C, lemonade, lime slushes from Sonic, etc...) to help ease my way into the soft drink ban. That ended August 24 (yesterday). I have really been pretty OK with it. I don't plan to cut ALL drink calories. If I want a smoothie to accompany a small meal, so be it. I still plan to drink orange juice and milk. I'm just cutting the sugary, non-nutritive calories from liquid format. LOVE ME SOME H2O!
In addition to these changes, I have started doing CrossFit. What is this CrossFit you ask? Google it. Then Google CrossFit abs. You'll be sold. I started the fundamentals class on the 16th and 17th and just completed my 5th class today. To be honest, I am the worst/weakeast/wimpiest/any other word that begins with a W and sucks, but I LOVE it. I FEEL stronger. I feel like my body loves {and sometimes hates} me after I finish a WOD {Workout Of the Day}. It makes me feel energized. It is a total stress release {mostly because my body is trying so hard to cope that I can't think}. I'm in LOVE with this new LIFESTYLE. It really is a LIFESTYLE. There is an entire CrossFit culture that, so far, I love. Everyone is so welcoming, encouraging, and genuine. We all cheer each other on and push each other to do better. It isn't a competition between each other, but a competition with ourselves to do better than the time before. I could go on and on and on about CrossFit. Honestly, I have my good friend from nursing school, Lindy, to thank for introducing me to it. She put together some "sanity sessions" of CrossFit while we were in school that made me puke......and however demented it makes me, I was hooked.
Well, on to a not so nice subject. I went to Neiman Marcus on Tuesday to find a dress for an upcoming wedding and rehearsal dinner. I tried on a bunch of dresses and found 2 that fit, and one that I loved but that was tight in the chest. I don't like to buy clothes that are tight and try to fit into them.....that's just me. Well, long story short, the lady who I will never ever forget {Sara in the formal dresses section, about a size 00, about 60} told me, and I quote "You really do need to lose some weight." WOW. I walked out of there as quickly as I could given the fact that I was incredibly sore from 150 wall balls {Google them} the day before and made it just out of the doors and into the parking lot before the first tears fell down my cheeks. Did that really just happen? At Neiman's? Who is she to say something like that to me? I could have said all sorts of things to her. It isn't like she was the most attractive person in the world...but I would NEVER! It really hurt my feelings and I cried pretty much the whole way home. Does she know how hard I have tried to lose weight? Does she know that shopping for clothes is an agonizing process for me? Does she realize I cry 10 out of 10 times I enter a dressing room? Hell, just to try to make myself feel good about going I woke up really early and got all dressed up, fixed my hair, and just really tried to boost my self-esteem in the mirror! If it were easy for me to be thin, believe me, I would be.
When I got home I changed clothes and went to CrossFit. I don't want to lost weight for her. I want it for ME.
For better or worse, I will be a Happy Healthy {Half of a} Haley. That is probably one of the top 5 ugliest experiences I have ever had, but I think it hurt the worst. I'm not really big on critiquing others. I believe we all have our flaws. That said, I'm not going to remain fat and try to make some statement about "big is beautiful" to spite her. I don't want to be big anymore. It doesn't FEEL GOOD FOR ME. I don't care what size or weight you are, you have to FEEL GOOD and BE HEALTHY.
Well, this was a very long post. I'm going to try to chronicle my experiences better/more frequently. Wow, I cried just writing about that woman. UGH. CrossFit rocked my socks off today. I feel better than I have in a VERY long time. Even if I stay the same size/weight/shape, I'll keep doing CrossFit because it makes me FEEL amazing!
2 comments:
Thanks for sharing Haley. I'm so proud of you for what you've accomplished and what you are working to accomplish. I think you are beautiful, inside and out. I'm glad you are doing it for you! You ARE gonna get there!!!
a) I'm jealous you shop at Neiman's. I want to shop there too. ok that's totally superficial and not at all what I wanted to focus on...
b) Daniel was once yelled at by a lady in a dressing room for looking like a slob (he didn't). She told him that he obviously didn't own a mirror and that his wife (who was chaning in the dressing room) should know better. She just randomly started saying stuff to her. Also, when I worked at the Y after school, one of the trainers, who by the way was more out of shape than me, told me I was fat. I almost slapped her, but I didn't. You know why? B/c how unhappy are you with yourself that you can't even have the manners to be kind to someone and to give your unsolicited opinion to yourself.
Do it for you-and for no one else. Only people who are ugly on the inside behave ugly like her. I'm proud of you!
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