Today marks two years since my grandpa passed away. I sometimes forget he's gone and engage in neurotic activities, i.e. not deleting "Neese and Popeye" from my cell phone numbers and just changing it to "Neese." I can't bring myself to do it and I don't think I'll ever be able to. To be perfectly honest, I've still got my Great Aunt's number in there too. Obviously it doesn't bring them back, but I just feel wrong deleting their names. I guess if that makes me insane I'll just have to live with it.I am comforted by the fact that one day we will see each other again, but I still wish I could have a long conversation with him every once in a while. I miss him so much.
I took the NET exam in Houston last weekend. I think I did well but experienced a sort of profound moment during the exam. One of the sections is a stress profile. It measures how much stress you have in your life, how you deal with it, etc... When asked "have you recently lost a family member or pet?" I didn't think twice about answering "yes." Then I got to thinking about what exactly qualifies as recently? I still feel like it was yesterday. I still cry sometimes; I miss him and I wish I could have become some amazing researcher that found the cure for cancer before he got it. Does recently have a specific time in hours, days, or years assigned to it or is it relative to your emotions regarding the event? I contemplated changing my answer, but ended up leaving it. It was just really thought provoking and actually brought tears to my eyes during the exam.
1 comment:
Haley, it's okay to own your grief. My Nanny is pretty much the only grandmother that I've ever had. All of my other g'parents either died before I was born or when I was really young. She has been a profound influence in my life, and as she continues to age and health issues arise...I think about it all the time. How will life be when she is gone? Every time we get to visit, I wonder if it will be the last. So, I try to make as many special moments happen as possible, and I always hug her tighter when we say goodbye. I don't think you're wierd at all! I'm really sorry for your loss.
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